Self-Doubt

to be too sure of oneself is arrogance.. it's not humble.. but to not be sure of oneself?? to have doubts? the bane of my life.. self-doubt.. a lifetime of second-guessing myself.. did i do the right thing? should I not have said that? should I not have thought that? 

anyhow.. i always find myself caught in this vice and don't know how to extricate myself.. how do you remove doubt and find peace?? how do you stop berating yourself in the shower (that seems to be the time that my mind throws up all the wrong things that i did the previous day)?? how does your inner self accept the confidence that your outer self is projecting? 

i don't know.. i am very confused.. and very pained with myself.. and sometimes i hate the things i do, but i do them as if i am propelled to do so.. to give myself comfort at the expense of others.. as a result of insensitivity.. to my friends, colleagues, family.. i am such a bad person to know :(

i was hoping that becoming anonymous and having a different blog will make me positive! but apparently it doesn't.. but it still feels unimaginably great to let off steam here.. as if by confessing my sins on this web-page, I have absolved myself and accepted my mistakes.. 

but that said, it also reinforces my desire to be better.. all is not lost as long as there is scope to improve.. and there is scope to improve as long as one breathes.. give me the strength god.. let me be strong enough to not hurt others even when I want to.. and not be selfish..

m

(notice my first few lines here! from my recent study of the 100 best opening lines.. my tribute to jane austen..)