my latest obsession..

sometimes some songs touch me so bad! the most recent one is this song called ennamo yedho (tamil for something unknown..) the lyrics of this song by the son of vairamuthu, Madhan Karky, and singer Aalap raju's incredibly youthful voice combined with harris jayaraj's music is sheer magic.. as always the poetry is the key - Madhan has managed to convey through words the beauty of the protagonists feelings without quiet giving it a name.. (which is why the song is called ennamo yedho..)

a few of the most memorable lines here.. notice the rhythm.. and definitely listen to the song!
http://madhankarky.blogspot.com/


Ennamo edho, 
Ennam thiralluthu kanavil; Vannam pirazhuthu ninaivil; Kangal iruzhuthu nanavil.
Ennamo edho, 
mutti mullaikkuthu manathil; Vetti erinthidum nodiyil; Muttu avizhuthu kodiyil.
Ennamo edho,
Minni maraiyithu vizhiyil; Andi agaluthu mazhaiyil; Sinthi sitharuthu velliyil.
Ennamo edho, 
Sikki thavikkuthu manathil; Rekkai virikkithu kanavil; Vittu parakkuthu tholaivil.

Edho kuviyamilla, kuviyamilla oru katchi pezhai; Ooho uruvamilla, uruvamilla naalai

Edho kuviyamilla, kuviyamilla oru katchi pezhai; Ooho arai manathaai vidiyithu en kaalai.

I need an outlet..

i have had things bottled up inside me for too long now.. can't take it anymore.. while there are lots of personal things going on in my life.. the thing i obsess most is work.. my team is going through a lot of transition right now and i feel very lost in all this transition and feel very frustrated..

the one thing that i keep asking myself, is this - i am doing good work, in all my transitions that's the one thing that is good.. i love my work and i am doing it well.. but the people around me are all in transition.. one of them went remote and 3 of them are moving out of the team by the end of the month.. i will be on leave too - for the next 5 months... and you probably know why.. but that still doesn't seem to mean much.. i feel restless and agonized.. and i feel like i can't take it anymore.. maybe this is the 8th month stress... but i want to be happy and calm.. not a nervous wreck...

i feel very alone too.. i keep talking all day.. with loads of people.. but i am also a loner... (no one will probably believe me if they know me) but i do feel like i live in my head a lot more than i live with people outside in the real world.. and in my head, i feel lonely.. like i have no one to confide into... i miss my close friends who i have left at different points in time for whatever reasons... people who knew me and didn't judge..

anyhow.. let bygones be bygones.. feeling more calm now.. esp as i am approaching closer to my massage time :)

have a good long weekend folks!

fan post!

my two weekends alone have become a private film fest..

and it just so happens that i have become a fan of mani rathnam.. all i knew before that he was a good director whose movies where tasteful.. but having seen some of his movies several times (i saw in the last 10 days, 7 of his movies) and focusing on specific scenes, i have come to appreciate his thinking.. and what it takes to make those poignant scenes come alive to haunt the audience again and again.. you can never get tired of his movies..

there are several patterns.. i am sure i will add on to this post in the future.. the one that struck me were his female protagonists.. almost all of them, look their best and prettiest in his movies.. simran in kannathil muthamitaal and srividya in thalapathy is motherhood incarnate.. revathi in mouna raagam is the woman with spunk.. manisha koirala in dil se will forever be the suicide bomber in my mind.. but the way they have been portrayed and cast.. it's as if the director has seen through these actors to understand their essence and has helped them bring this out in his movies.. it doesn't feel like acting at all.. how can 1 man have so much imagination.. he has introduced some of the best music directors, cinematographers, actors (madhavan, arvind swamy) and actresses (aishwarya rai, preity zinta included)..

having never been a very creative person, i am baffled at what enables people like mani rathnam to do this!

m

flights of passion..

i was flipping through some poetry today.. by chance.. after a very hectic day when all i feel is i have had enough.. i just wanted to forget life and die a glorious death.. and i realized that i was not keen on poetry anymore.. i read through all the major ones.. byron.. shelley.. keats.. browning.. it was all too complicated... given my mood, i started wondering how i ever thought i was into poetry... till i reached neruda.. neruda.. the greatest poet ever.. he didn't even write in english i think.. if he did, how exotic would it have been? or maybe it's because he did not write in english that his poetry doesn't feel forced.. it's so natural.. a beautiful expression of a priceless thought... some samples below: 


"I remembered you with my soul clenched
in that sadness of mine that you know.

Where were you then?
Who else was there?
Saying what?
Why will the whole of love come on me suddenly
when I am sad and feel you are far away?"


"I don't love you as if you were the salt-rose, topaz
or arrow of carnations that propagate fire:
I love you as certain dark things are loved,
secretly, between the shadow and the soul.
I love you as the plant that doesn't bloom and carries
hidden within itself the light of those flowers,
and thanks to your love, darkly in my body
lives the dense fragrance that rises from the earth.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where,
I love you simply, without problems or pride:
I love you in this way because I don't know any other way of loving

but this, in which there is no I or you,
so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand,
so intimate that when I fall asleep it is your eyes that close."

i was introduced to neruda through a friend.. and i am so thankful for it.. it shows that there are at least a few other people out there, who fancy themselves, at least in private of having intense emotions.. and while i consider myself a light, giggly type person whose vices are indolence and indifference, i also have flights of depth.. and intensity which scare me.. and that's when i love neruda.. for he shows me that there are others like me.. who can feel as intensely...  

m

vairamuthu

the man has written some splendid songs.. but the song which takes the prize is this one. I was going to bold the most pretty lines... but i realized that I was bolding out the whole thing.. so left it as it is.. incidentally if you want to know the effect of the lyrics you should watch the hindi version.. it is insipid and vapid... vazhga tamil!

To elaborate a little on what makes this song beautiful.. it is a song that comes just after the hero acknowledges to the heroine that in his opinion, love is just a precursor to sex (check my previous post..).. given the indian context where all talk of reality is taboo, writing about lust and hormones is not easy.. but vairamuthu has done such a phenomenol job of it.. and it is so poetic and so matter of factly at the same time.. about lust! it's very novel and kudos to him..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xb61eXFN2Us

Starting: 
oar uNmai sonnaal
naesippaaya
nenjamellaam kaadhal
dhaegam ellam kaamam
uNmai sonnaal ennai
naesippaya
haaan
kaadhal konjam kammi
kaamam konjam thookkal
manjathin mael ennai mannippaaya

uNmai sonnaal naesippaaya
manjathin mael mannippaaya


Para 1: peNgal maelae maiyal uNdu
naan piththam koNdadhu unnil mattum
nee muththa paarvai paarkum boadhu
en mudhugu thandil minnal vettum
nee dhaane mazhai maegham enakku
en hormone nadhiyil veLLa perukku
paasangu ini namakkedhukku
yaar kaetka namakku naame vaazhvadharkku


Para 2: kaadhal ennai varudum poadhum
un kaamam ennai thirudum poadhum
en manasellam maargazhi dhaan
en kanavellam kaarthigai dhaan
en vaanam en vasathil uNdu
en bhoomi en vasathil illai
un kuRaigal naan aRiyavillai
naan aRindhaal sooriyanil suththam illai

reciprocation..

it is my belief that nothing kills love faster than knowing for sure that the other person doesn't reciprocate it.. if love is all that it is made out to be, how can it be so conditional.. yet time and time again.. in all the movies and books.. and probably in many of your lives, you have experienced this..

i just noticed that movies like Dil to pagal hain, Dil se, Alaipayuthey.. the heros keep begging the heroines to say it.. to say the word.. in dil se, it is extreme... she just says yes, and he is willing to die.. from all the frustration that ended with her acceptance... it's funny to me that an emotion that has been sanctified so many many times dies such a quick death in the absence of reciprocation.. even dev das is sad because of his own cock-sureness - that she still loves him... and in parineeta, the guy just quickly changes his mind when he realizes that she might like someone else more than him..

so what I take away from this analysis is that love is just a prerequisite to sex... since sex requires two people to be together, love becomes a conditional emotion that exists only when both of them feel it.. or it short, it takes to create love.. if this post seems inane to you.. then i should tell you that this feels like a revelation to me.. i always held that love surpasses everything.. that it could be one way.. even when you know that the other person has forgotten you.. and has moved on... and probably only remembers you when someone mentions your name.. but now I am not sure anymore.. i think it's selfish feeling sullied by the need to copulate!!

a further disullioned
m

this is why i like rachel maddow!

http://bossip.com/275147/rachel-maddow-clowns-faux-news-and-bill-orielly69691/